je veux encore rouler des hanches,

je veux me saouler de printemps

je veux m'en payer des nuits blanches

à cœur qui bat, à cœur battant

avant que sonne l'heure blême

et jusqu'à mon souffle dernier

je veux encore dire "je t'aime"

et vouloir mourir d'aimer


lundi 11 juin 2012

Jon Bauer : Des cailloux dans le ventre

Premier roman de cet auteur anglais installé depuis 10 ans en Australie et qui met en scène un narrateur de 8 ans. Petit garçon ordinaire, il vit dans une famille aimante entre un père attentionné et une mère qui donne sans compter son temps et son amour. Elle est si généreuse qu'elle accueille des enfants en difficulté. Famille d'accueil, maison d'accueil, tous ces mots au grand coeur résonnent comme une torture et un fardeau de jalousie et d'incompréhension pour ce petit garçon. Il se sent délaissé, mal aimé, lui aussi abandonné.Les reproches de sa mère sur son manque de générosité et de sollicitude sont poussés au paroxysme lors de l'arrivée de Robert, 13 ans. Robert en manque d'amour et pour qui la mère va déployer toutes les marques d'affection et d'attention pour le rendre heureux.
Incompris, le fils souffre et se perd dans une attitude de violence d'autant plus extrême qu'il se sent démuni et impuissant à se faire aimer. Un drame va casser à tout jamais un dialogue qui n'a jamais débuté et c'est loin de ses souvenirs que le narrateur essaiera de se construire. 20 ans plus tard, il revient dans la maison de son enfance aider sa mère atteinte d'une maladie incurable. Face à cette vieille femme perdue et vulnérable, le passé ressurgira violemment et lui permettra de regarder la vérité en face.
C'est surtout l'histoire de pardon et d'oubli que les êtres perdus dans le vide de leur passé ne peuvent donner.
La famille est au centre de ce roman, une famille où le meilleur comme le pire peut arriver. Parents et enfants, protagonistes d'une même histoire distillent leurs secrets, leur rancune. La famille représente le lieu à fuir pour mieux vivre ou revivre mais où se trouve les réponses de la vie.
L'auteur installe son histoire dans une tension dramatique extrême en alternant mal être, questionnement et humour dérisoire devant certaines situations.
Des cailloux dans le ventre représentent les dégâts infligés volontairement ou parfois par maladresse, en tout cas le livre est assez fort et prenant pour ressentir un poids en le refermant.

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